The 'Confidence Gap' Continues Keeping Black Women Away From Professional Advancement
We’re still left behind.
Once again, she is left behind.
Delilah is a 39-year-old black woman who works in an elite law firm.
She works alongside James, a white man. Just as James wants the partnership seat, so does she. Every year, Delilah crosses her fingers and prays that her bosses would promote her.
Except… she just heard James got the seat this year. Just like the year before when one of her white peers got promoted.
For the past 10 years, she has been working hard. She was hoping this year would be different. Hoping sunlight to her professional advancement would warm her years of hard work.
Except there is no sunlight.
Her head goes down.
Her spirits go down.
Privilege gaslighting denies the ‘confidence gap’
The story of Delilah is a reality for many black women.
A dear friend of mine is dealing with a crushing disappointment these days. Her white colleague who joined their firm after her got promoted. When my friend shared her frustration on web forums, some white folks suggested, “Maybe you’re not confident enough”.
Seriously.
I want to slap these people.
They wear their privilege hat and assume everyone is on the same glorious boat. A boat where if you’re good at your job, your career progresses. Where you’re not left behind.
Those with privilege don’t want to know or they know but prefer to ignore the reality of those of us without privilege.
Many of us are not on this privilege boat.
‘Our lack of confidence is why we don’t see many women (especially black women) in senior rooms.’
I read articles about how confidence is essential for professional success.
This is privilege gaslighting.
It denies the ‘confidence gap’.
My friend is confident. Competent. And a hard worker.
Even in a global pandemic, she worked twice as hard as her white peers.
My friend is left behind for one reason.
The color of her skin.
You can read every best-seller book on confidence, spend years honing your skills, and it still will not be enough. Study shows women are less self-assured than men and to succeed confidence matters as much as competence.
But when you’re a black woman, confidence is not enough.
Because not all of us get equal opportunities to pursue something great or what we’re good at.
People who tell black women to have more confidence have never walked into HR offices and then been told to wait outside or that the promotion you’ve been working hard for has been given to James. Or that someone perceives them as less capable and less worthy because of the color of their skin.
Black women fear of being wrong – or worse – of being judged as incompetent creating a confidence gap
That pervasive ‘imposter feeling’.
When I started working with whites in my mid-20s, I was the only black teacher in the institute I worked for. The hairs on the back of my head stood every time I entered a classroom. Or had a meeting with department heads.
The fear of being wrong or being judged cripples you.
It terrifies you that sometimes you wish a black hole would open up beneath you and swallow you.
It took me years, YEARS, to learn to raise my hand and speak up.
If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be where I’m today (I’m a team leader leading 6 lecturers.)
If I hadn’t, I would still be sitting in the back row in company meetings. Making myself as small as possible. Praying someone would call my name. Praying for one magical day when an executive man would march to my small cubicle, hold my hand, and walk with me to the senior rooms.
Here is something I’ve learned…
Even if you fear of being wrong, or being judged, learn to speak up.
Confidence is seen as being “full of yourself” in a black woman
I can’t tell you the number of times someone said to me, ‘you’re full of yourself’ or that I’m demanding.
My crime?
I’ve asked for the same career progression opportunities as my white peers.
Confidence, assertiveness, speaking up in meetings, and asking for promotions is seen as a sign of intelligence in men.
Let us be honest here.
Yes, we celebrate women’s day but we’re still treating a confident woman with skepticism. We don’t think she can her job well.
We tell that woman, you’re “full of yourself”.
Not really believing a woman can do her job well gets worse for black women.
When we raise our dark-skinned hands and speak up. When we start showing confidence. When we walk upstairs and demand a pay rise or promotion, men (mostly white men) march alongside us and tell us we’re demanding.
That we’re troublemakers.
We should just keep our heads down and hope our career dreams will appear magically on our laps.
A confident man walks into HR offices and demands a pay rise or promotion. Did I say walk? I meant to say saunter into senior rooms.
No one would grab a man’s arm and tell him, you’re “full of yourself” for asking for what he deserves.
When you’re a woman, confidence – the same asset that helps men earn more money than women, becomes a weapon. A weapon that is used to diminish women’s competence and talent.
And our worth.
When you’re a black woman, even if you lean in with confidence, it does not mean you will succeed professionally
I spent most of this week reading research about the ‘confidence gap’.
40% of black professional women believe they lack access to their organization’s informal networks, and as a result, their career advancement is impaired.
Let that sink in.
Another report shows black women are left behind. In 2017, Lean In and McKinsey Women in the Workplace report,
“Many companies overlook the realities of women of color, who face the greatest obstacles and receive the least support. When companies take a one-size-fits-all approach to advancing women, women of color end up underserved and left behind.”
The most frustrating, the most heartbreaking professional barrier for black women working in white workspaces is even when you lean in confidence it doesn’t mean your career progresses. In the institute I work for, I’m the only black woman who has a seat in senior rooms.
My story is the exception.
A good white boss I worked for 5 years vouched for me.
But I shouldn’t be the exception.
Research shows the biggest barriers to professional success African American people face are race-based stereotypes. Frequent questioning of our abilities. Frequent questioning of our credentials (and only our credentials). Frequent demand to prove our worth. Even after we have worked for years. Even then.
It’s 2022.
We shouldn’t have a society where black women are climbing often impossible professional barriers to succeed. We shouldn’t have a society where our white peers are progressing ahead of us and we’re left behind.
Getting black women through the door is not enough.
Delilah is looking for the same career progression opportunities as her white peers.
We’re looking for the same career progression opportunities as our white peers.
P.S.
A brief parting question:
What is your personal experience on the ‘confidence gap’? How did this gap affect your professional life?
Comment to share any thoughts, respond to the parting question, or simply say hello. I love hearing from you.
Thanks for reading, and feel free to share this email with anyone who might enjoy it.
Banchi
P.P.S
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